wishful thinking

It's going to be a busy week in the life of me... but I like it that way. I enjoy the way that time passes when you're A-working your ass off or B-having fun. I also seem to eat less and lose weight, which is a perk.

Two of my best friends are getting married this weekend!!!!! I'm so happy for Courtney and Josh. It'll be a weekend of celebrating. Lots of good company, a red hot bridesmaid dress, and handsome men in the wedding party. Once again, a perk.

I'm anxiously awaiting September 15th. Why? Hell if I know. I shouldn't be.

The older we all get, the more we realize what really matters to us. Looking back at junior high, I cared about what clothes I wore and who I hung out with. High school, all I wanted was to be with friends and away from home. College, I really don't think I would have made it through without my family.

Five years is rapidly approaching. Lucky that this time last year, I was drugged up from my surgery and couldn't think about it. I've got a big day at work then a huge weekend ahead of me. I don't want to forget, per say, I just don't want to be an emotional basket-case like usual.

What is the need to take people from us? To show us who really matters in life? That's my thinking. Lose people in order to gain the love/trust of others. God takes someone you care about and in return will give you someone else who is equally as special. That's my belief anyway. But think what you want.

[pick me up now, i need you so bad.]

First things first, I dreamt I got married the other night. To a dear friend. It seemed so real. Remembered the place, dress, flowers. The best part was when I walked down the aisle, he leaned over to his best man and said "DAMN my future wife is hot!"

Nothing was as I thought it'd be... and usually that would make me upset, but it didn't matter.
Perhaps this all means that I'm learning to not sweat the small stuff or even some of the curve balls that life is throwing my way.

Next item on the agenda that I'd rather type than actually write in my journal about because I'm too lazy to crawl out of bed... kinda makes me cry. Someone very dear to me more or less broke my heart for all intensive purposes. Luckily, I've got a fantastic set of friends that lessened the blow. But I'm left here confused and hurt.

Retreating to my pillow now.

I've been a college graduate for fifteen days... what do I have to say for myself?

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

But I did go through more states in the past week than I have in a looooong time. Current location is Albany, NY. Over the weekend we were in Philly and Jersey. Beach, family, sports.

Recently rediscovered the amazingness that is Say Anything.

Taking applications for a cohort to attend No Doubt/Paramore with me in Atlanta next week, June 5th. Any takers? Tix are ten bucks.

The eastern time zone takes some getting used to. And now that my body adjusted to it, I'll be back in central by Friday.




My brain doesn't remember how to write.

10 days.
240 hours.
14400 minutes.

2 schools + 3 majors doesn't seem to add up.

The job hunt is not going anywhere. Applying and applying but hearing nothing back. And the job I'm gunning for I can't apply for until the end of May, get screened in June/July, then start in August.

These last few weeks have been so great. It was a nice pick-me-up after the month started off so bad.

Celebrated graduation/my birthday/Allie's law school acceptance with Mom, Allie, and Susan. Lots of shopping, loads of food, and even more wine and beer.

The one year anniversary of my 21st birthday was unreal. I pat myself on the back for lasting past midnight and making it into Starz. We were attacked by Canadians. Enough said.

Last weekend, Wifey and I took a roadtrip to Tybee Island, GA and Jacksonville, FL. Lots of driving, a few small children, with a bunch of beer and laughs.

WICKED might take the top spot in my favorite musicals. I'll now dream of being Elphaba or Nessarose.

Someone come help me pack. I've got a family of dust bunnies living in my room. Ack!





14400 minutes.
240 hours.
10 days.

He taught me everything I know about radio. We co-hosted a show together for about a year while I was at JSU. My "big brother" is gone.

Man, he was such a great person and there for you no matter what. He'd bring me chocolate when I was having a bad day and my family loved him. My sister and I even got our nicknames from him, k10 and k5. I always think of him when I listen to Coheed & Cambria's "The Suffering" and imagine him dancing with James.

I wish we'd spoken more since I moved. It's probably been a year from the last time we talked.

He has an amazing family that will miss him dearly. My thoughts and prayers go out to them.

Keep on rockin' with the big man upstairs, Donnie.

-------------------------------------------------

[EDIT]

Just got word that a family friend has passed away as well.

He treated my sister and I like we were his own.

Granddaddy Shaver, love you always.

MISSING: My liver and voice
LAST SEEN: Mardi Gras

Mardi Gras was amazing! Everyone made it back alive and no one showed boob. We each came back with about 20 pounds of beads and really sore feet.

My family is going over to Mississippi State this weekend so my sister can take a campus tour. It makes me feel old. Hopefully they have good bars.

Next week I'm going with Hilary to NYC! We're staying at a friend's apartment for the week. Can you believe we're flying and bunking up for $460?! Hell, I sure can't.

Wifey and I are going to Charleston next month to see Kipp! I haven't seen that boy since we were 16 and we've been promising him a visit for two years.

My official graduation confirmation came last week. A rep is coming next month so we can order our cap/gown, invites, and rings. May 9th at 9:30 AM in Bartow Arena. Be there or be stupid.

The job hunt has began. Applied for two jobs in NYC that are probably below what I am capable of. Applying for two jobs at SCAD, one in Atlanta and one in Savannah. Sending in my stuff for the Army internship. Disney has great jobs, believe it or not.

Top cities: Nashville, Atlanta, Houston, Savannah, NYC.

I'm happy ♥

Apparently, I might be lactose intolerant meaning that my surgery back in September was all for nothing.

Oh happy day.

I already miss cheese... and ice cream... and did I mention cheese>
Was I some kind of awful person in my past life?
I mean, I LIVE off cheese. Seriously.

I feel like doo. Spent all yesterday sleeping. Have a soccer game tonight.

Tomorrow starts the weekend... yes! Going home to spend time with little sis and try on bridesmaid dresses for Courtney's wedding!

( Read more... )

For some odd reason, this song is stuck in my head.

Packing sucks.
Start my last semester in school tomorrow. It feels weird.
I'm excited but apprehensive.
Looking through my calendar, I have no idea what I'll be doing after graduation.
One thing is for sure... NO MORE SCHOOL!!!

It's my last day of work at Redstone.
It amazes me that people will still stand outside in a torrential downpour to smoke.

Looking up prices to spend spring break in NYC with Hilary.
My SB's are usually family trips to get drunk at the beach- not that it's a bad thing.
So I figure, why not?
My last time to have break like this unless I end up working with a university post-grad.

Here is the quote of the day: "Life's too short to not be having great sex." -WR

Here's to the last day of 2008.

( Read more... )

So I did not realize that I hadn't updated in two months, yikes!

I'm trying to convert to blogspot due to the increasing amount of friends I have on there but I believe my loyalty is set at lj.

My last fall semester finished without a hitch and pulled a 3.2 for the semester.

Working at the Arsenal for the holidays for some extra cash and beef up my resume.

And I got my early graduation present from my parents...

2009 HONDA CIVIC COUPE EX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Got confirmation today that I, Kristen Chapman, will be graduating on May 9, 2009

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's scary and exciting at the same time.

I feel as though I'm about to lose my feet due to hypothermia because my office is so cold. No fun.

School = great
Work = good
Friends = fabulous
Love life = not so fabulous
Me = absolutely amazing.

Sometimes you think
others can't understand
Soon it will start to show
then your cover will be blown

I'm wrapped around your pinky
You're wrapped around my heart

The faint whisper in my ear
Daydreams that won't come true
Damn it, why do I want you here?
To turn me inside out?
To make me think we have a chance?
To taunt & tease me
with something that will never be?

Wrapped around your pinky
Wrapped around my heart

You're pulling at my heartstrings
Can't you see it hurts?
God, please make it stop
Losing my pride's already enough
Take me away to a land I never knew
Where you don't exist
and my heart will be brand new

Wrapped around your pinky
Wrapped around my heart

Leave me be
Let me love with ease
I pretend you never appeared
and that makes my half heart a whole

What have you done to me?
Was it because I was wrapped around your pinky?
Please, please just go away
or I might not live another day

Sweet sorrow...
come and take me away.

8.8.07

July 1 marked the anniversary of my livejournal. We broke ground in the year 2004.

Looking back on the years... hah, I was pretty stupid at age 17. Starting writing right before shit hit the fan. Didn't document everything because I didn't think people could handle it. Hell, I could hardly handle it.

Alas, things today are swell. Here's a look back at the times. Senior in high school to a senior in college.

Now if only I could get a relationship to last this long...

( July 1, 2004 )

( July 1, 2005 )

( July 1, 2006 )

( July 1, 2007 )

( July 1, 2008 )

[EDIT] I realized that 04/05 look the same... 06/07 look the same... then 08 isn't. Weird how different I thought I was... guess my writing proves me wrong!

Over the next few weeks, happy days will ensue. Allow me to go into detail.

30 June, Monday: Made my first trip to the "grown up" dentist. I've been at the same pediatric dentist since I moved to Alabama when I was 4. Being their oldest patient, they kindly gave me the boot.

3 July, Thursday- 7 July, Monday: This chica will be in Houston, reunited with her best friend Tyler who she has not seen in over a year. Here is how I feel about that...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9 July, Wednesday: My cousin/best friend/roommate turns 21. Oh yeah. Warped Tour makes its stop in Atlanta, GA. Attendiendo con mi hermana. Muy bien.

11 July, Friday: iPhone comes out. My true geek will be unleashed. Upon entering the Apple store this past weekend and playing with the device, I got slightly turned on.

11 July, Friday- 13 July, Sunday: My cousin/best friend/roommate's 21st birthday extravangaza. If you're cool, you'll be there. If you're not, you suck large furry balls of yarn. See one of us for directions. Bring tents, sleeping bags, clothes, and booze.

16 July, Wednesday: Jake has served his four years in the Marines and comes home :)

19 July, Saturday- 20 July, Sunday: Rush Workshop. Now this time last year, it would have not been on my "happy days" list seeing as how I ran all of them and nearly hung myself in my closet several times over the span of eight months. But I get to be with all my sisters that I miss more than words can describe. Snaps for us.

Hard to believe the summer is half over. I move back to Birmingham in a month and a half. Weiiiiiird.

Cooking, cleaning, laundry and with our house to myself it was nice for a week. Except for when I got scared and Kasi came to comfort me. I'll never be a housewife... I'd get too bored.

More thoughts later.

Last week I had just finished watching "So You Think You Can Dance?" with my family and feeling inspired, my sister and I started dancing in our kitchen.

Socks + hardwood floors + pirouettes = not so good

I trip over my own two feet and wind up in the ER.
Luckily nothing was broken.

And did I mention I was sober when this happened?

Holding onto what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing.

TGIF!

I've been offered internships at Decaydance Records and The Militia Group.
Only problem is they're in NYC and Long Beach, CA- both unpaid. Boo.

The first day of my internship I was asked by a person of very high importance in our organization if I wanted a job after I graduated. My mouth dropped open and I was speechless for once. The graduate internship here is bad ass...six months to a year in one place, three months at another, and then you're guarenteed a job.

The pay is amazing and the experience is already overwhelming. Getting some super cool projects and working my hiney off! I like it here. Just not really understanding the military lingo... one bit.

My parents want me to come back here after I graduate. It's a good deal, I'm just not sure if I'm ready to give up my passion to work in music. Dad said he doesn't think it's a good idea for me to move off at age 22 to Atlanta, Nashville, etc. I was told yesterday that they will have an open spot in the program next summer- and the summer interns get first choice.

Going to Tuscaloosa tonight. Fun times will be had ♥

Call it quits with honesty. The lies that tied your tongue into knots are the words that grew to hit my spots.


Third week on the job and still going strong...yes!

Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill's season finales are tonight. How am I going to live without them? Oh well, So You Think You Can Dance? starts Thursday. Score!

Figuring out the male species is harder than solving world hunger.
Guess I have a stamp on my forehead saying, "I'm a nice girl, screw me over!"

People from the past are creeping back into my life, once again.

But hey- I'm 21, single, and a spicy latina. The world is mine!

This Time

She locked the door behind her
And headed out of town
And it don’t much matter where she’s bound
She left it all except a heart full of memories
And scars you never see, from

Those words he hurt her with and held her down
And the tears that fell without a sound
And she swears it’s gonna be different now
This time around

He’s taking it step by step and one day at a time
Trying to find the man he was and left behind
Fighting the battle sometimes barely holding on
Now that all he loved is gone, with..

Those words he hurt her with and held her down
And the tears that fell when she walked out
And she swears it’s gonna be different now
This time around

He wants the chance to be
The man she used to see in him, before

All of tose words he hurt her with and held her down
And the tears that fell without a sound
And she swears it all will be different now
This time around

Life -a mode or manner of existence, as in the world of affairs or society

Went to Panama City Beach for the first time last weekend and had a blast with my old/new friends. Got a text at 4pm, left work at 5pm, in my car at 6pm and on my way. It was an escape from everything and much needed.

Many things are up in the air right now but I'm trying my best to stay grounded. Might be out of school in two more semesters if I work my hiney off...yes!

I don't know what the future holds. It could hold anything in the world... our dreams, hopes, fears... any of them. Who am I to try and compete with that? With fate? With our given path? I can't. My thought patterns change daily just like yours do.


If I knew what was meant to be I could give everyone the answers. Tell my best friends who they will marry. Tell my sister what college she'll go to. Tell myself that everything will be okay and that yes, I can make it and succeed in whatever I set my mind to and love/broken hearts is what life deals you.

This is life. And what I've learned: it goes on. With our without people you love, with or without jobs, with or without money...this is just life.

As for today? I'm living. Breathe in, breathe out. That's all there is to it.

--------------------------------------------------------------

a pile of ashes, each a memory distraught, all the times we feared losing each other, we got into arguments and fought, a brisk wind grabs the few on the top, we know it will end some day, but we know we dont want it to stop, another sleepless night, another stupid fight, the wind carries away the ashes from the middle, as the pile disappears, the pain begins to come to us a little, as the hands open up to the sky, and the ashes fly, we watch the past disappear, but we will always wonder why, why would we end something so soon, and not bother to ask why, as the ashes blow away with the wind, its the end, but another chance to begin, because once u opened ur hands up to let the ashes free, i was standing behind u to catch them so you will never forget me --AMS 4/2004

Am I wasting my breath? Because it's still in my mind that its always the wrong place at the wrong time. So lets face the facts, we all make mistakes. But we've got to live life before it passes right by.

So before you pack your things and go, there's one last thing that I want you to know.
You can't find happiness if you won't let go.

We can agree on one thing. You can't fight fate with fate. We had a good love, but its seen its last day. When opportunity knocked you had to answer the call. Now those clouds on that sunny day have all blown away.